Random thoughts on a Tuesday night

1. I would kill for some Salty Stix pretzels. You know, the thin, delicious, crispy, salty pretzels that come in the infamous blue box. They used to be called Mr Salty. They don't sell 'em in this state. So if you see them in your grocery store, buy a box and enjoy them... while I'm here weeping into my disgusting, burnt ROLD GOLD'S.

2. I need writers for my "other" website. Maintaining it virtually alone is killing me. Are you entertaining? Do you like writing about stuff? Do you want your writing exposed to thousands of people? Do you not know what my "other" website is? Get ahold of me - jillsays at yahoo.com

3. Bruce Springsteen will be headlining the Super Bowl halftime show this year. Yawn. And thanks to Janet Jackson’s nipple (God forbid), the performance will be on a 5-second delay. Is that really necessary for BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN? What could he possibly do? Adjust his balls?

4. There is a road in Lancaster California that plays music when you drive over it. It’s the coolest thing I’ve seen all week. You can check out the video here.

5. Have you seen Sarah Silverman's video "Jews for Obama" yet? It's really funny. Watch it here: http://vimeo.com/1808434 - The part where she lists the similarities between Jews and blacks is hysterical.

6. I just found the HOTTEST pair of sweatpants at a local Salvation Army. They're navy blue, with white block lettering down the left leg that says: "USA ROWING" --- and the best part? No elastics cinching around the ankles. I washed them 3 times. They're in the dryer. I'm sitting in my bed in shorts, freezing my ass off.

7. No, I don't row. Don't hold it against me.

8. I've been on a brown rice kick for the past few months, so I speak from experience when I say that Minute Rice needs to CHANGE ITS FRIGGIN' NAME. That shit is misleading. It's more like 2-hour rice. The directions say, "Boil water, add rice, cook 5 minutes, then fluff with fork and eat!" MY ASS. After 5 minutes, the pot is filled with water and brick-like rice granuals that could choke a bird. It takes me at least an hour to cook 2 servings of "Minute Rice." And yes, I'm following the directions, I'm not a moron.

9. I finally got tired of standing around for hours to cook RICE, so I ordered a Zojirushi 6-cup rice maker from Amazon. I have no idea how to pronounce tgat, but if anybody knows rice, it's the Japanese, right? It'll be here on Thursday. I hope it doesn't suck.

10. Did I mention I'll pay good money for some Salty Stix?

Sarah Palin? Really???

It's official - I've gone from NOBAMA '08 to PROBAMA '08... and it's all because of Sarah Palin.

For a seventy-two-year-old cancer survivor to have nominated such an inexperienced BIMBO to be next in line for the Presidency was an act of almost incomprehensible irresponsibility. I wouldn't vote for her as vice president of my student council, let alone vote for her to hold the 2nd most powerful position in the country.

Her interview with Charlie Gibson was pitiful, and her interview with Couric was embarrassing. Somebody, please, get this woman out of my face. My gag reflex is tired.

Too bad the bitch only came in 2nd place in her beauty pageant. I guess Jesus didn't want her to win.

Maddie in the 100 degree heat

No pain, no gain?

The Wii, part ii.

Yesterday, regarding the Wii Fit, I said, "I played for about 2 hours last night, and even though I did all the activities multiple times, I'm only slightly sore today."

Yeah. Well. I played for another 2 hours yesterday and woke up thismorning in agony. Let me tell you all a little story called "I CAN BARELY FUCKING MOVE." My left scapula feels like the entire Walenda family (plus their dog) is balancing on it. And I can barely get up out of chairs without visualizing a cheesy "hang in there" motivational poster of a cat dangling from a branch.

I'm well aware that this makes me sound like the most out of shape sloth - which I am not. Honest. I work out at least once, but usually twice a day (but not in a scary anorexic workout-obsessed sort of way). And I'm athletic - my body is used to swinging bats, kicking soccer balls, throwing frisbees, running, painting ceilings, chopping wood with an ax, etc on a daily basis. But this game makes you move your body in ways I have never in my life. Constant tightening of muscles, forcing you to use your balance to perform intricate maneuvers and hold poses for many minutes! I can't imagine how I'd feel after a yoga or pilates class, I'd probably want to die. Cheers to you people who can pull that off.

Still wondering if the Wii Fit will help you tone up? Come watch me try to get into a car. Bring a bowl of popcorn. It will be funnier than this year's Last Comic Standing.

STUFF

1. My sister is back home for the summer. Sianara for now, Wisco!

2. We'll be seeing the Sex and the City movie on Saturday. Finally. I've seen every episode of the show, and I loved it. Yes, even in the end when it Miranda had a baby and it started to get really lame. I think Samantha is one of the best characters ever written.

[Sidebar: I think "Miranda" (Cynthia Nixon) is one of the most hideous looking lesbians on the face of the Earth. I'm not a fan of red hair in general (for those who know me, RBDTR!) but she's just too much for my eyes to take. Shudder.]

3. The summer concert list is painfully short right now. We only have tickets for 2 shows: Melissa Etheridge and (gasp) Tina Turner. "She's a legend!" So was Dolly Parton, and remember how much THAT concert sucked ass.

4. Just spent $20 on a pair of Tweezerman tweezers at Linens 'N Things. I finally had enough with the cheap $5 tweezers that SUCK. I'll be tweezing B's brows tonight (it's true, I'm an amazing eyebrow shaper and tweezer!) So hopefully it will be money well spent.

5. I'm in love with Ken's Lite Northern Italian w/Basil & Romano salad dressing. SO GOOD.

6. I spoke too soon when I said I wasn't sore from the Wii Fit. 4 hours and a walk at the beach later, and now I can hardly sit down on the toilet to pee. The horror.

Should you buy a Wii Fit? YES.

I've been looking for a Wii Fit for the past 2 weeks, and I finally found one at Toys 'R Us yesterday. And let me tell you... IT IS SO MUCH FUN. I love it, and I'm already addicted. I played for about 2 hours last night, and even though I did all the activities multiple times, I'm only slightly sore today. Regardless, if you're thinking about buying one of these, stop contemplating and DO IT.

My favorite games are the more athletic balance games where you have to shift your balance and rely on the strength in your legs to head soccer balls, ski downhill through slaloms, and complete long distance ski jumps. Even the simple hula hoop is a ton of fun, and it really gets your heart rate up. The accuracy of the Wii balance board is amazing, and you really feel like you're flying down mountains and running through parks.



I also did yoga for the first time in my life and I was really good at it, especially the tree pose. Who knew. They're not messing around in Wii Fit - you're required to hold the pose to a pretty severe degree of precision (indicated by a dot inside a circle) for 30 seconds. What kicked my ass the most were the strength exercises like lunges and and squats, and "running in place" through the virtual worlds. You can also run next to a friend.

Yes, it is fun, but I'm skeptical that it will make me lose weight. When you first start the program, it weighs you and calculates your BMI. It gives you a Wii Fit age (mine was 28), and it lets you set realistic weight loss goals for yourself. It then charts and tracks your progress as the days go by.

Weight loss or not, who cares. It's assloads of fun, and hey, it's 9 AM and I'm already dying to get back on the thing. And that, unlike the hokey pokey, is REALLY what it's all about.

happy story

There's a pond in my town that I drive by several times a day. For weeks, I'd smile at these 2 Canadian geese wandering along the road looking for food. They were so cute. But one day last month, I drove by and noticed one of the geese went missing. I was sure he/she got hit by a car and was gone for good. It broke my heart every time I drove by, and saw the ONE LONE GOOSE eating all alone.

HOWEVER! A few days ago, I drove by the pond and saw this:


The other goose was back, along with 4 tiny adorable little goose babies! It wasn't dead! I had to stop and snap these pics. Now every time we drive by, we feed them whatever leftover food we have in our kitchen. I love a happy ending (to a story, not a massage, sickos.)